which one?

i am so many people at one time. maybe that's why i love traveling; it helps me sort through these many mirrors and ideas of myself. traveling also adds more of these reflections. i am sitting at my teacher's desk, smiling and chatting with all of the kids who pass by during my free period, but my mind is on the island. i think of a beautiful photo that warren took of me in bali. in the first photo he took, i am perfectly posed and smiling, but this second photo is much better. i am looking down at the water and stepping out of a space between two rocks. what you don't see is the cut on my foot, caused by a misplaced step. even though i'm not smiling in the photo, happiness radiates out of it--the happiness of a perfect day on the beach with a true friend and the love of my life. i am also thinking about diving and the person i am on a boat and underwater. there's also the girl hanging by her knees on a rope swing in laos, body covered in paint and mud. i'm also the girl at vassar, sipping a coffee and debating an italian phrase out of james joyce's ulysses while the snow thunders down out the window. when will i figure out which girl is really me, or is it better to accept being the ubiquitous answer (e), all of the above?