face of a teacher

my body aches from exhaustion.

i hate when people tell me i look tired. several people did today. first, they are stating the obvious. second, why don't they just tell me that i look like shit? i'm equally entertained and annoyed when they try to guess why, like the front desk manager at my gym. he saw me leaving after a two and a half hour workout, told me i looked tired, and then asked if i drank too much soju over the weekend.

no, michael, it wasn't the drinking. it was your trainer who tried to break me this morning. and it wasn't soju; it was the free vodka drinks.

i'm tired but putting off going to sleep. my mind is so busy, so frenetic right now that i just can't seem to calm it down. i know i don't have to decide the rest of my life in the next few moments or even in the next few months, but i just keep thinking about life after korea--boy, grad school, life...

add to that the approaching february. since boarding school, i have feared february. boarding school february is a psychological event to me, continued through college and halfway escaped last year. speaking of last year, i am really going to miss the princess this february, especially on valentine's day. that changes my thoughts of the month too. it will have been a year, but she's still on my mind everyday. of course, there are some things that are better; i no longer have to deal with a stressful academic workload nor am i dealing with the stress of and training for state swimming championships. life is so much easier than it was when i was a student, but i can't help but dread it. even though it's pretty confusing at the moment, there are so many good things in my life. how many people can say that they really love their lives?

...and a little more than a month until i'm 24. what crazy things should i do before then?